For a refresher on the Johnny Depp storyline,
go to the Special Reserve Archives page
Today's special: pork sandwiches! Four for a dollar! Today we're having a special on pork sandwiches - two for a dollar. Come on down! We are closed Mondays, please come back tomorrow. Piggy piggy! Too much piggy! No No No. Oinky stop! Oinky stop! No patron only piggy. - Paco This weekend the speciality in the house is the barbecued pork soused with Bourbon.To increase the savour of smokey in this receipt of net of pig, plan d' to employ wood of nicotinism in your grill. L' hickory, the mesquite and particularly wood all d' Apple add aroma and a tasty and aromatic savour to the gloss if you l' add to your charcoal or wood right before throwing the net of pig on the grill. Be sure to cover the grill as much as possible being held of the fact large smoked to entirely impregnate the meat and the gloss. 1. Mix the ingredients of contact strip d' spice (salt, sugar, paprika, pepper, the powder of mustard and the powder d' garlic in a small basin and mix completely. 2. Pour the d' mixture; spice above the net of pig and rub in all its surfaces. Cover and marinate in the refrigerator at least during 1 hour, jusqu' at 4 a.m. 3. While waiting, prepare the gloss by melting butter in a sauce pan above average heat and by adding l' chopped garlic. Make cook approximately 1 minute. 4. Add the Bourbon, sugar, mustard, the cinnamon and the cloves and continue to ferment highly above raised heat, stirring up almost without interruption jusqu' with this qu' it is thick and sirupeuse, approximately 2 to 4 minutes. Remove heat and add salt and pepper. It should be seasoned well so that salinity is held jusqu' with softness. Pour in a basin and put side. 5. Obtain a hot well of grill or started fire and roast the nets above raised heat, turning from time to time jusqu' with brown d' however and cooked through. After surface is desiccated a little, on several occasions sprinkle the net on all the sides with the gloss of Bourbon jusqu' so that all the gloss is employed upwards during the 5 to 10 minutes final of cooking. This will take 3 to 4 minutes by size, total d' approximately 12 to 15 minutes according to the heat of the grill and the size of the net. The internal temperature should be close to 160. Note that the net of pig is generally rather small and thin, thus it can cook too much quickly. Test d' to avoid cooking too much to maintain l' moisture and succulence in the meat! 6. Note: the smoky and soft savour of the gloss can be increased well while smoking of wood. If you want, add some hickory, waste or pieces of nicotinism of mesquite or wood of apple to your not very front fire making cook the pig. Try to cover the grill of its lid during the major part of cooking to support in very that delicious, aromatic smoke! 7. The transfer to a council of cutting and left the rest during a few minutes under paper d' aluminium. 8. Slice in the thin medallions on the diagonal and the service. S' there are the additional drops of pan and freeze can be to it managed with the spoon above the meat. That' ; S it! The smokey and soft delicious, this great receipt of net of pig will have your guests to return for more! - Chef This year we've designed some limited edition holiday products. They've been sellin' like hot cakes all day. We set up a shop online, too, so it should be easy for everyone to send their loved ones special Chez BBQ holiday gifts this year. - Hari
Wednesday December 17th, 1009Tuesday December 16th, 2009Monday December 14, 2009Sunday December 13, 2009
piggySaturday December 12, 2009
Ingrédients : filet de porc de 1 - de 1-1/2 livre Pour la bande de frottement d'épice : * paprika de bonbon à TSP 2 * sucre brun foncé de TSP 2 * sel brut de TSP 2 * 1 poudre de moutarde de TSP * 1 poivre noir de TSP * poudre d'ail de TSP de 1/2 Pour le lustre de Bourbon : * beurre non salé de 4 tbsp * 1 ail de clou de girofle, haché * 4 tbsp Bourbon (j'ai employé Maker' ; s marquent mais n'importe quel Bourbon ou whiskey décent pourrait être employé.) * sucre brun foncé de 4 tbsp * moutarde de Dijon-modèle de 2 tbsp * cannelle moulue de TSP de 1/2 * 1/4 clou de girofle moulu de TSP * Sel et poivre à goûterThursday December 10, 2009
For some reason, Paco's feelin' the holiday spirit earlier than usual this season. He's taken to wearin' his Santa hat constantly - even while he's washin' dishes and sweatin' like a throughbread at the finish line, he wears that hat. I'll be the first to admit that it looks adorable on him, and it's nice to see such a display of holiday cheer, but I do worry over him passin' out. I've got to get the list together for the new menu. Time's a-wastin'! - Hari We're closed Mondays. Please come back tomorrow. I've been thinkin' about Cousin James' kitchen log entry from two years ago. We haven't got a holiday marketing plan in place for this year, either. I asked around to see if anyone was interested in comin' up with one, but the best I got was 'A fine idea, ma cherie, an' why don' you take care of this for me, petite?' from Chef Antoine. Chef, meantime, has been harassin' poor Paco somethin' fierce. He has insisted that Paco must do all the shoppin' with no vehicle larger than a two-wheeled cart, and all the bread must be purchased 'in the French fashion', without wrappers or bags. Yesterday, I caught Paco in the alley behind the restaurant, frantically removin' bread loaf wrappers and stuffin' them into the dumpster before bringin' in the groceries. - Hari Monday, November 30, 2009 We're closed Mondays. Please come back tomorrow. turky turky! turky turky evrywhere! - Paco Happy Thanksgivin' y'all! Today was a bleak day for business. Seems everyone's made a vow not to shop, it bein' Black Friday an' all and (historically) the biggest shoppin' day of the year. We had some diners come in - a young couple, all eyes and hands, and a group of five suburban moms takin' a break from their families by pretendin' to be out shoppin'. But they all dined an' ditched. Not surprisin', really. After all, they made a solemn vow not to spend money on anythin' today, right? Me, I'm enjoyin' a leftover piece of Yes PeCan Pie, and thinkin' on the past. I've been readin' over the old Kitchen Log entries, and I can't help but be thankful for all that has changed in this restaurant over the years. Very thankful. Like, here's this entry from Thanksgivin' two years ago: - Hari Tuesday the 20th of November, 2007 Just when we thought we'd seen the last of H. Dorian Straight, he popped up, like a burnt piece of toast. Late last night, we got a call from the local P.D. Apparently, Hank had escaped from the 'hospital' and was on the loose. One of the restaurant's neighbors had called in 'suspicious activity' outside the Chez. Someone was seen lurkin' in the bushes, and pressing his face against all of the windows. By the time the troopers arrived, the Lurker was gone. But he left lots of face prints. The CSIs lifted nose and forehead prints off of all of the windows (note to self: hire window cleaner later today). Now they have prints on record, in case the Lurker comes back and is apprehended. - Hari We're closed Mondays Please come back tomorrow. Well I asked Chef if I could do one last entry before I head out on an undetermined leave of absence. After helping to check Straight into the local mad house and spending some time making sure his affairs were in order, Jenni and I have decided to hit the road on our bike and take Calliope to visit her Grandparents in Canada. Don't start to worry, though. I am leaving the restaurant in good hands. Hari is planning to stay on and keep things running. Grace Cooper is doing great work as the new Maitre d' and, of course, Paco and Chef are still in the kitchen, keepin' things lively. Chez has been a good home for me for the last several years. I found Jenni here and that is the best thing that ever happened to me. Made good friends, ate a lot of good BBQ and had one or two exciting moments, from my first trip to the Farmers Market to our sojourn in France. I sure will miss everyone, but time for the three of us to make a fresh start. Paco is still in the walk-in, and Antoine is livid. Antoine has begun makin' threats - tellin' Paco that if he won't come out voluntarily, Antoine will break down the door and drag him out. I haven't yet learned to read Antoine, so I'm not certain how serious he is. - Hari The reporters have begun lurkin' around the restaurant, waitin' for a chance to interview Paco. 'The Baby-Saver' they're callin' him. I've tried to explain to him that this is a great honor. Antoine has demanded that he be interviewed - says it's good, free p.r. For now, Paco has locked himself in the walk-in, and is refusin' to speak to anyone. - Hari Paco is back, but somethin' about him is different. I can't quite put my finger on what it is. He still wanders around the restaurant, hummin' to himself. He still does the dishes. He still can be found, occasionally, loiterin' in the walk-in, with his forehead resting on a rump roast. But somethin' is different. - Hari Antoine purchased two Vietnamese pot-bellied pigs this weekend. For the restaurant. He calls them 'our little morale boosters' and spent most of the day feeding them and scratchin' their bellies. I must admit, they're awfully friendly and cute. But I don't know what the Board of Health Inspector will make of them. Luckily, the Board of Health is so woefully understaffed that they rarely make visits to any restaurants at all. At the end of the business day, we took the pigs to the hospital to visit Paco, where he was recuperatin' from smoke inhalation. The hospital, however, is very well staffed, and they stopped us in the lobby, clearly statin' that they do not allow 'dirty beasts' to enter the building. Before Antoine could build up a righteously indignant head of steam and set them straight about the pigs' cleanliness, in French, I herded all 3 of them out the front door. Then I filled out the paperwork to have Paco released from the hospital, loaded everyone into the delivery van, and headed back to the restaurant. - Hari We're closed Mondays. Please come back tomorrow. We will. They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Well, I haven't got a picture to show y'all what's been happenin' at the Chez since we last logged in to report. And I sure as heck don't have a 1,000 words to spare to explain it all. So I'll sum it up as best as I can, and you can fill in the blanks with your imagination. After an uprisin' at the Fork 'n' Quiche (remember them? the restaurant that opened across the way & stole most of our young, intellectual customers?) the building was burned to the ground. Literally - there's nothin' left but smolderin' embers and a few bricks. An' most of the bricks are no longer even brick-shaped. It looks like Stuttgart, 1947. Very sad, in so many ways - after all, it was a beautiful building before it was corrupted by the wicked ways of H. Dorian Straight. Yes, it turns out Straight was the mastermind behind what we all now refer to as The Quiche Wars. It was his dastardly plan to put Chez BBQ out of business, purely out of spite. And wickedness. Fortunately for all of us, he failed. But not without a heavy cost. We nearly lost Paco to smoke inhallation when he ran into the burning building to save little Johnny Straight. And Cousin James suffered third degree burns extinguishing Paco's burning hat. Paco's hat did not survive. And so Chez BBQ is slowly but surely regrouping, rebuilding our clientele. After the Burning Quiche was extinguished, we had an influx of hungry firemen. All of them, of course, ate gratis. Chef Antoine spoiled them silly, even going to far as to empty our reserve wine cellar in their honor. I've been going through the accounts, shocked to see that we can have dipped so deeply. But still I have hope. We're in a good place. Our government, after all, is so very fond of bailing out the Fiscally Irresponsible. - Hari DeVille Happy St. Patrick's Day! I've been reviewing the old kitchen logs again. Everything here has been so up-in-the-air; no decisions are being made. No customers are being served. So I spend my time reviewing the old kitchen logs. Here's one of my favorites (although it makes me a little weepy):
Wednesday December 9, 2009Monday December 7, 2009Wednesday, December 2, 2009Nov 29Friday, November 27th, 2009
JESUS CHRIST!
Here it is, Thanksgiving week and Straight still hasn’t unveiled his big Holiday marketing plan! The entire staff has been put to work peeling squash while Straight entertains this mad Englishman who drinks Calvados and hangs his underpants from the coat rack.
We’ve had frantic calls all week from patrons eager for the success of last years Name a Pig gambit. Not to mention eager newshounds hopeful of one more faux pas to splash across the headlines. But no such luck. Straight has been so caught up monitoring his pal Soapy Sam that he seems to have forgotten all about the rest of us.
Not that Sam is a bad guy! Quite the reverse, in fact. He is a very sociable fellow and perfectly willing to peel squash or slaughter pigs as long as someone is ready with the bandages and there is a car started to make for the hospital at the least sign of trouble.
In fact, whatever Straight has planned, I suspect it will be made better by the presence of Sam on our premises.
James DeVille – Sous ChefTuesday June 9, 2009Monday June 8, 2009Saturday, April 25, 2009
Keep the BBQ fires lit!
- James DeVille, Sous Chef (retired) Friday April 24th, 2009Thursday April 23rd, 2009Wednesday April 22nd, 2009Tuesday April 21st, 2009Monday April 20th, 2009Sunday April 19th, 2009Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Where did you go? Where did you go?
You cover my head, you cover my head,
And now you’re no ‘mo, and now you’re no ‘mo.
Paco (translation courtesy of Soozy)
And another from this time last year, below. - Hari . We're closed Mondays! Please come back tomorow! We've been unable to update our kitchen log this month, while our computer has been out of commission. Paco has a new pet monkey. More tomorrow... - Hari Paco celebrate National Monkey Day, in honor of best departed friend Biscuit. Miss you Biscuit! Paco say 'you find monkey in banana you be Monkey Queen'.
Happy Monkey Day! - Paco Happy Mardi Gras! - The Staff of Chez BBQ We're closed Mondays. Please come back tomorrow! Antoine sent Paco, with Liam in tow, across the street to the Fork 'n' Quiche to inquire about renting space for our "board meeting." When I challenged him about using another restaurant for our meeting place, he shrugged and said, "Mon très cher ami, H. Dorian semble l'aimer et je ferai quoi que je peux gagner le soutient à mon côté." Which I take it, means that since he knows Straight has been frequenting the Fork 'n' Quiche it would be appropriate. Grace Cooper - Maitre d' Hotel Good news - Paco has successfully tracked down H. Dorian Straight and he has agreed to attend the board meeting called by Antoine. Bad news - He will only participate under certain conditions. Namely, the following: 1. He will not meet at Chez BBQ. 2. Under no circumstances will he consume any foodstuffs produced at Chez BBQ. 3. The meeting place must be kept completely dark. 4. Paco is not allowed to attend. 5. Straight Jr. is not allowed to attend. 6. Hari must come dressed as a nurse or a high school cheerleader, she can choose. 7. No one is to mention Johnny Depp during the course of the meeting. 8. He must be addressed by his full name, H. Dorian Straight, at all times. All this to create a five year strategic plan? I ask you, is it worth it? - Grace Cooper - Maitre d' Hotel We are closed Mondays. Please come back tomorrow. Happy Valentine's Day! Wow! What a busy weekend! We had over 300 guests last night. Everyone who was disappointed because we couldn't accommodate them came back today. We were busy from brunch through dinner. Phew! I sure am ready for a day off tomorrow! - Hari Paco spent all day and night out searching for Hank. But he never found him. So he's planning to go out again tonight. I have encouraged him to leave the baby here. - Hari Paco went walking. Paco carried little Liam in a sling, like a lady. Little Liam peepeed and poopooed. Paco cried. "Where is Mister Straight," cried Paco. "Where, WHERE?" - Paco
Sunday the 16th of March, 2008
Jesus Christ.
It’s not enough that I caught Straight just too late, as he downed the last of my super concentrated secret spice mix for Hari’s Hotter than the Hottest Place in Hell Hot Sauce.
It’s not bad enough that he wasted most of it by smearing it all over Paco’s new little red hat (nod to Straight, though, that was a nice gesture).
It’s not bad enough that as the hot sauce penetrated Straight’s taste buds he passed out from the pain as the entire inside of his mouth filled with blisters.
It’s not bad enough that we spent Saturday evening trying to juggle a trip to the hospital and a dining room that was actually full for the first time in months.
But when I came back from checking him in to the ICU, the kitchen was a disaster and my poor exhausted darlin’ Jenni was weeping in the middle of it all.
“What happened,” I demanded catching her in my arms.
And then, noticing the absence of a certain irritating dishwasher, “Where’s Paco?”
Jenni wept into my shoulder and said, “He’s in the walk in,” in a muffled voice.
“You mean he’s in there and you’ve been cooking and serving and running the entire restaurant yourself?” I asked.
Jenni nodded her head.
As you might imagine, once I had her settled safely in Straight’s office with a big bowl of chocolate ganache, I went to find my little buddy Paco.
He was in the walk in, just like Jenni said.
He lay passed out in a corner. Ice and frozen vegetables were scattered all around him. His new red hat lay crushed at his side. As I got closer I could see that he’d managed to soften one of our frozen racks of ribs enough to wrap it around his head.
“What the hell,” I murmured to myself.
Then I saw the blisters on his hands. And that meant another trip to the ICU.
I later learned from Jenni that Paco started the night gleefully wearing his new red hat but as the steam from dishwashing and the sweat from his brow worked their way into it, my hot sauce base began to run down his face and into his eyes.
Jenni said she was hard at work serving when she heard what she thought was a dying pig loose in the kitchen. Turned out to be Paco trying to get the hot sauce out of his eyes. By the time Jenni got to him, he’d managed to dunk his head into everything he could find.
It never occurred to him to use the emergency shower.
So running ChezBBQ is up to the two of us now.
Jim DeVille – Sous ChefMonday, March 16, 2009Saturday, March 14, 2009Wednesday, February 24, 2009
Tuesday, February 23, 2009Monday, February 22, 2009Wednesday, February 18, 2009Tuesday, February 17, 2009Monday, February 16, 2009Sunday, February 15, 2009Friday, February 13, 2009Thursday, February 12, 2009Wednesday, February 11, 2009
L'oignon de coup de hache, l'ail et quoi que les vieilles carottes sont sous la main. Saute dans le fond d'une casserole de sauce, épuiser l'huile d'olives nuageux. Ajouter autant de betteraves que sont dans le vieux sac en plastique au dos du frigo, les fins de cartilage et saucisson. Le sommet en haut avec le stock de légume de congélateur-brûlé. Cuisiner jusqu' à doux.
Garnir avec le persil flanché et servir avec le dernier morceau de pain.
Antoine - Dirige le Chef de cuisine
English Translation:
A stew to eat in the doldrum, await the counsel to meet: Antoine has called a board meetin'. Not that we have much of a board, here at Chez BBQ - really, it's just Antoine, uncle James, and our erstwhile maitre d'hotel, H. Dorian Straight (or, Hank, as I still think of him, affectionately). We haven't seen Hank since before Christmas, however. So Antoine has sent Paco out to hunt him down and bring him back. "Meet we must!" Antoine shouted. And off went Paco like a bird dog after a wounded mallard. - Hari We are closed on Mondays. Come back tomorrow. Please. Especially if you are bringing a large group and you have pre-ordered food. Still no exchange students. We left the tables set up and 'Reservé' for them, just in case they had mixed up the dates. Not much to report, otherwise. A very slow Sunday. I imagine the challenges of the current economic climate have caused people to reconsider how they're spendin' their hard-earned money. We can only hope that things will improve, nationally, or the restaurant will have to reconsider how its spending its hard-earned money. It's a very good thing the Brain Pies and January is Manuary schemes pulled in so much extra money, so we have cash reserves. As long as Antoine doesn't spend it all in his guerilla-like attempt to take down Ben & Jerry's. - Hari We spent last night gettin' ready for our Belgian foreign exchange student group - cleanin' up the restaurant, buyin' furniture, assemblin' furniture, preppin' food... Paco took wonderful care of l'il Johnny all night. He sang to him and rocked him to sleep in an old cardboard box in the kitchen, so he could keep an eye on him while Paco washed the dishes. I didn't realize until this mornin' that Paco had lined the box with lettuce leaves. When I asked him about it he smiled and said simply, "Bed of lettuce, yes?" We put 'Reservé' signs on three of our tables. Antoine prepared the food pre-ordered by the exchange student group coordinator. It is now 11:00 pm. They have still not arrived. - Hari Paco has abandoned all attempts to move forward with his plans for "Fist Fight February" ever since he set eyes on little Johnny Straight. I'd forgotten just how attached he was to that baby. The feelin' appears to be mutual. However, Paco still refuses to use Johnny's given name, and has started callin' him Liam. He wants the rest of us to follow suit. I think it's sweet, the two of them bondin' like they have. Antoine just yelled at Paco, sayin' he didn't care what the baby was called, so long as he didn't disturb the diners or interfere with Paco's work. So Paco has Pilar, Jaspar and BuckBuck takin' turns washin' dishes and carryin' little. . . Liam (as he is now called) around. Meantime, we got a call from the guy who's bringin' the Belgian school group over. Tomorrow. - Hari DeVille We arrived at the restaurant this mornin' to find a baby on the doorstep. It was so very cliché we could hardly believe our eyes. In fact, I looked up at Paco and Antoine, and they were both rubbin' their eyes as if to clear their vision - just like you see in cartoons. But there he was, bundled into his car seat: Johnny Straight. We haven't seen or heard from our erstwhile Maitre d', H. Dorian Straight, in a long time - I've plumb forgot when I last spoke with him. I'd kindly hoped that he'd gotten over the questionable paternity of his child, Johnny, but now I'm thinkin' maybe not. - Hari Paco has been mooning around the dining room all morning trying to come up with a clever catch phrase for February. I tried to remind him that Valentine's Day is less than two weeks away, but that didn't seem to please him. He finally began to jump up and down with excitement and scrawled something across a sheet of poster board using a fat crayon. He proudly presented it to me a few minutes ago. "Fist Fight February" And then Chef crashed in through the front door with an armload of "Yes Pecan" ice cream and shouted, "It is the owner of the shops. They are following for me." I begin to understand why H. Dorian Straight, former Maitre d', suffered a nervous breakdown. Grace Cooper - Maitre d' Hotel We are closed on Mondays. Come back tomorrow. I came in early this morning to try to get the dining room straightened out and do some organizing and paperwork. I found Chef in the kitchen, surrounded by hundreds of containers of Ben and Jerry's "Yes Pecan" ice cream. None of them were open, so I know that he is not on an ice cream binge. I discretely checked the menu for today but found no reference to serving Ben and Jerry's "Yes Pecan" ice cream with our "Yes PeCan Pie." Unable to find an explanation, I resigned myself to asking for one. This is what Chef said: "I stole their ice cream as they stole my idea! No person will eat "Yes the Pecan" ice cream, while I draw a living breath! " It is going to be a long week. Grace Cooper - Maitre d' Hotel So, when Paco followed our Mystery Diner, after he left Chez BBQ Thursday night, he followed him all the way across town. He followed him for over an hour. Paco was certain that he wasn't seen. But he lost track of the man in the subway, and came back to the restaurant after the trail went cold. And today, Mr. Mystery dined across the street from us at the Fork 'n' Quiche. He lingered over every bite, an expression of supreme joy on what little of his face wasn't covered by his hat and glasses. I sent Paco after him again. He hasn't returned yet, so I have high hopes that he is still hot on the trail. We must find out who he is. Antoine heard today that Ben and Jerry's has released a new flavor of ice cream, called "Yes Pecan" - he was livid. I've never seen him so angry. He insisted that we call a lawyer and file a copyright infringement suit. I had to explain to him that, besides the obvious fact "Yes PeCan Pie" and "Yes Pecan ice cream" were two entirely different products, we were in no position to take on a corporation the size of Ben and Jerry's. I pointed out to him that our spelling of "PeCan" is cleverer than the ice cream's name. That appealed to his ego and he - albiet grudgingly - agreed to let it go. - Hari DeVille Received the followin' letter this a.m.:
The onion of blow of axe, the garlic and although the old carrots are under the hand. Jump in the bottom of a saucepan of sauce, exhaust the oil of cloudy olives. Add as much beets as are in the old bag in plastic to the fridge back, the ends of cartilage and sausage. The summit in top with the stock of vegetable of burnt freezer. Cook until soft.
Outfit with the cracked parsley and serve with the last piece of bread.
Antoine - The Kitchen BossTuesday, February 10, 2009Monday, February 9, 2009 
Sunday, February 8, 2009Saturday, February 7, 2009Friday, February 6, 2009Thursday, February 5, 2009Wednesday February 4, 2009
Je suis écrasé.
Je suis inconsolable.
Je suis très déçu ce Ben et la Glace à Jerry a volé ma très bonne idée pour « Oui le Noix de pecan » la tarte.
Je suis dégoûté par le comportement de ces commerçants sots et leur désir de garder un tel produit dégoûtant sur leur rayonne.
Il fait me pleurer.
Une fois j'ai fini mon Calvados je créerai un tel menu pour se moquer de ces petits hommes qu'ils ne sauront pas ce que les a frappé. Je ferai un repas pour honorer notre grand le président désir pour nous épousseter de et nous tient seul deux pieds encore.
Antoine – Dirige le Chef de cuisine
English Translation:
I am crushed.
I am inconsolable.
I am very disappointed this Ben and the Ice Cream of Jerry stole my very good idea for "Yes the Pecan" pie.
I am disgusted by the behavior of these foolish shop merchants and their desire to display such disgusting products on their shelves for them.
It does make me cry.
Once I finish my Calvados I will create such a menu to mock of these small men that they will not know what hit them. I will do a meal to honor our big one president’s desire to dust us off and stand us alone on two feet again.
Antoine – The kitchen BossTuesday, February 3, 2009Monday, February 2, 2009Sunday, February 1, 2009Saturday, January 31, 2009Friday, January 30, 2009
To Whom It May Concern:
We are hosting a group of foreign exchange students from Belgium this month, and would like to provide them with unforgettable experiences while they are here. A friend suggested that we bring the students to Chez BBQ. Could you please send me a packet of information about your restaurant, with your group rates so that we can plan our visit?
Thank you,
Brad L-
Paco wanted to send them a "January is Manuary" flyer for fight night, but I explained to him that January would be over before the group would be able to come to the restaurant. I didn't bother tryin' to explain the concept of chaperonin' underage foreigners to secret fight clubs. - Hari DeVille Our Mystery Diner showed up again today and skulked around for a while outside the door. But he didn't come in. I can't shake the feelin' that I know him, though... hard to say when I can't see his eyes, and he keeps his hat pulled down over his face. Anyhow, when he left, I sent Paco after him. He has strict orders to tail him, but not interact with him, and to report back when he has discovered anythin' worth reportin' back about. - Hari DeVille With ice falling thick and fast, the ChezBBQ staff has been stuck indoors all day. The storm also drove in a small handful of customers who were only too thankful for the food and shelter to complain about our lack of furniture. As the afternoon progressed, the rival factions of Manuarians and Yes PeCaners slowly merged into one large happy drunken mob who egged each other on, using our new Karioke machine. If I hear one more rendition of Ice Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice, I will take a hammer to that thing. Grace Cooper - Maitre d' Hotel The bad weather sweeping across the nation has driven most of our customers away. We did have one awkward moment when several of our Manuary regulars showed up for BBQ supplies at the same time as some of the Young Intellectuals who came in for more Yes PeCan Pie. They circled one another warily but, thankfully, didn't come to blows. Grace Cooper - Maitre d' Hotel We're closed Mondays. Please come back tomorrow.Thursday, January 29, 2009Wednesday January 28, 2009Tuesday January 27, 2009Monday January 26, 2009
Things came to a head here at the Chez today. Fights broke out across the dinin' area. Several arms and heads were busted, and also several pairs of glasses. Everyone got a free meal. Time for a new business plan. - Hari Paco is sad. Paco wants Brain Pies and Macho Manuary. Not brainy Obama PeCan pie. - Paco As
a result of the return of our old Regulars, we've had a few scuffles between Paco's Manuary Fight Club and the Young Intellectuals - mostly over who gets to sit at
the window tables. I'm going to talk to Grace about rearranging the
dining area furniture (what's left of it) so that we have more window
seats. That should go a long way toward diffusing Inter-Diner Strife. - Hari We opened the restaurant today to the sound of chanting at the front door: "Yes PeCan! Yes PeCan! Yes PeCan!" Many of our Young Intellectuals who frequented the Chez during our Brain Pie holiday promotion have returned to us. The Fork 'n' Quiche is still getting decent crowds, but I must admit that all of the hip clientele are now gracing the tables at Chez BBQ. - Hari Back to business as usual, now that Inauguration Day is over. We've had continued request for Antoine's special "Yes PeCan! pie" and we hope that this signifies enthusiastic support for both our new President and Chef's recipe. - James DeVille, Sous Chef In honor of the inauguration of President Barack Obama, come on in for a slice of Today's Special:Sunday January 25, 2009Sat Jan 24. 2009Friday January 23, 2009Thursday January 22, 2009Wednesday January 21, 2009Tuesday, January 20, 2009
"YES PECAN! PIE"
We're closed Mondays! Please come back tomorrow. Marco was here all day, littering the floor with his equipment, broken wires and plaster dust. At noon, he broke the big screen television we'd rented for the Inauguration, by dropping a hammer on it. He promised to pay for the damages and then left the building to find us a new one. He hasn't been back. I think we might have a problem. Grace Cooper - Maitre d' Hotel Chef has been working on an Inauguration Day meal. We are planning to be open to the public and have hired Marco the Builder to install a big screen television in the dining room for the noon swearing-in. Come and join us! Grace Cooper - Maitre d' Hotel A humdrum day, really. Paco was in the dumps because I told him we weren't running any more of his daily special offers. I think the little man likes the power. Hari is a real trooper, covering everything at once for her cousins who are a bit random about their hours, having a new baby to tend to. Speaking of which, Calliope is a beautiful little girl who hold everyone who sees her spellbound. I wish I could say the same for H. Dorian Straight's son, Johnny. But we rarely see either of them in the restaurant anymore. This doesn't seem to trouble anyone particularly and I think Antoine feels that with Straight acting as a silent partner, he can get away with more outrageous behavior than in the past. Like oiling his guns in front of the customers. Grace Cooper - Maitre d' Hotel Paco's very successful Manuary campaign was marred today when we discovered that someone had spent the morning changing all his "NO GIRLS ALLOWED" signs to say things like "NO DUMB GIRLS ALLOWED" and "NO UGLY GIRLS ALLOWED." We made the discovery after the first rock came through the front window, wrapped in a copy. I sent Hari out to tear as many of them down as she could find, but the damage was done. The afternoon was long and dreary as droves of hungry freezing customers flocked to The Fork n' Quiche and we were left with a couple of dumb ugly workmen nailing plywood over our busted window. I told Paco that we were ending his week of daily specials one day early. Grace Cooper - Maitre d' Hotel The restaurant was flooded with customers today. Men showed up all day, dragging in wives and daughters, pairs of female coworkers and extra girlfriends, to take advantage of Paco's offer. At lunch time, I noticed that the same pair of women kept showing up with different male customers, so I sent Hari out to spy on them. Turns out they were leaving the restaurant, propositioning men who were about to enter, being paid for their time, and getting said man a discounted lunch. Calling the police to rid ourselves of the scammers ate up the afternoon, but by dinnertime we were in full swing again. Paco's carefully made signs for Thursday read: "NO GIRLS ALLOWED" Grace Cooper - Maitre d' Hotel With the bitter cold weather whistling down from the north, we were twice required to call the ambulance for half naked men suffering from Hypothermia. Meanwhile, Paco was busy posting signs for Wednesday: "Any Man, Two Woman, Half Price" I don't know how much more of this I can take. Grace Cooper - Maitre d' Hotel We are Closed on Mondays, Please come back tomorrow. As much as I hate to admit it, Paco's handwritten advertising campaign is driving business tonight. Several groups of customers have come in laughing and waving copies of his missive as proof. Chef Antoine is in fine spirits and has encouraged the "Fight Club" atmosphere of the place. Several times he has come out of the kitchen, taken a big mouthful of Ouzo and sprayed it over the contestants by way of encouragement. Paco is already hard at work on next week's advertising. I think his sign for Tuesday states that Men who are shirtless in the snow will get a 10% discount. Genius or Madman. You tell me. Grace Cooper, Maitre d' Hotel We arrived at work this mornin' to find that Paco had been workin' all night, staplin' or tapin' photocopies of his sign up and down the street. The front of the restaurant is covered - includin' all the windows. It's sort of impressive how you can hardly even see the grid lines from the graph paper in the copies. - HariMonday, January 19, 2009Sunday, January 18th, 2009Saturday, January 17th, 2009Friday, January 16th, 2009Thursday, January 15th, 2009Wednesday, January 14th, 2009Tuesday, January 13th, 2009Monday, January 12th, 2009Sunday, January 11th, 2009Saturday, January 10, 2009
Last night was wild. Today we spent an extra 4 hours prepping the restaurant for dining - sweeping up broken furniture, cleaning up blood spatter, etc. The place begins to feel less like a restaurant and more like a dive. Paco has been hard at work creating signage to promote his "January is Manuary" scheme. Unfortunately, he's been working in crayon on graph paper, so I'm not at all certain that Antoine will allow him to post any of it. - Hari Secret fight club tonight! You fight, you eat! FUn for all! - Paco The testosterone levels in this place are very high. You know I grew up in the lovin' bosom of a Big Family. I'm used to bein' around rowdy boys. I'm used to monkey business in the house, pranks, competition... noise. But this place is almost unbearable. Somehow, the combination of fight and food intensifies the masculine atmosphere. Or, maybe it's the liberal use of the word "Manuary" throughout the restaurant. I don't know. What I do know - I'm countin' the days 'til February. - Hari Some men are placed on this Earth to try the rest of us. Often these men believe that they are a gift to Mankind, and, in a way, they are. Those who frustrate us often have a lesson to teach us - something we would benefit from learning - and they are in our lives to provide us with the opportunity to learn. I have had so very many learnin' opportunities presented to me, this day. So very, very many... - Hari We're closed Mondays. Please come back tomorrow. Most of our brunch customers this mornin' were men: men with bruises, abrasions, cuts, scrapes and bandages. I counted 14 slings. Manwiches have been added to the lunch menu. - Hari Today Paco hung a sign on the "Specials" board. It states that: "January is Manuary at Chez BBQ" When I asked him what it meant he said something unintelligible, nodded his head vigorously and winked at me. (I am getting a little tired of buying new furniture for the dining room.) Grace Cooper - Maitre d' Hotel Antoine announced today that he wants all the staff, including the DeVilles and H. Dorian Striaght, to attend an important strategic planning meeting next week. He has hired a consultant to come and speak with us. The announcment made Hari jump up and down with impatience. I must find time to talk to her. Grace Cooper - Maitre d' Hotel Thursday, January 1st, 2009 HAPPY NEW YEAR We are closed today while we clean up the broken furniture. Please visit us tomorrow. New Year's Eve. Antoine's menu is superb and attractive. His idea of continuing to run Chez BBQ as an underground fight club with food as the prize is not. Grace Cooper - Maitre d' Hotel Hari confided in me today that she thinks she may have identified the secretive owner of the Fork 'n' Quiche. Unfortunately my time is taken up trying to make sense of Antoine's plans for New Year's Eve, so I haven't had a moment to sit and talk with her. Grace Cooper - Maitre d' Hotel We're closed Mondays. Please come back tomorrow. Apparently Antoine's idea worked: we now have our regular customer base back. When I looked out the window to the Fork 'n' Quiche across the street, I saw empty tables, and one man, pacing back and forth, pulling his hair and occasionally pausing to shake a fist at Chez BBQ. We had way too many customers to watch for very long, so I got back to work. - Hari It is a great miracle to me that yesterday turned out as successfully as it did. We had a number of family groups who felt the spirit of the holidays and were only too happy to pit themselves against our so-called champion for a free meal. Antoine designated Paco as our fighter but after watching him get K.O.'ed successively by Aunts, Uncles, 12 year olds and several Grandparents, he decided to switch tactics and called in Jenni, our sometime Pastry Chef and lightweight champion kick-boxer. She held the ring against all comers for the rest of the afternoon, but the entertainment value of the event drew record crowds. I believe we even regained some of our old customers from across the street. Grace Cooper - Maitre d' Hotel I arrived at work this morning to find that Andre and Paco had cleared all the tables and chairs from the dining room and built a boxing ring. Written in chalk on the Special of the Day board was: 2 rounds in the ring gets you free diner. I tried to explain to them about Boxing Day. I tried to talk them out of it. I tried in vain. The most I could do was add a letter "n" to the Special of the Day board before anyone demanded their free diner. - HariFriday, January 9, 2008Manuary - ThursdayWednesday, January 7th, 2009Tuesday, January 6th, 2009Monday, January 5th, 2009Sunday, January 4th, 2009Saturday, January 3rd, 2009Friday, January 2nd, 2009Wednesday, December 31st, 2008Tuesday, December 30th, 2008Monday, December 29th, 2008Sunday, December 28th, 2008Saturday, December 27th, 2008Friday, December 26th, 2008Thursday, December 25th, 2008 
click
We are closed for Christmas Day. Please come back tomorrow for a Boxing Day celebration. Happy Christmas Eve! This evening Andre offered a free traditional Christmas dinner to the first 100 diners through the door, so we were busy. We served over 200 covers, so we had 100 paying customers. I learned tonight that folks who partake of a free meal in a restaurant during the holiday season are inclined to tip well. I'm donatin' my share to the local soup kitchen, and Paco has been inspired to do the same. - Hari It was a cold day today, and as a result we had a big lunch crowd. Quite a few people asked for quiche, and were disappointed when they found it had been struck from the menu. Jenni and I went out in the late afternoon and delivered the last of the Brain Pies to the local soup kitchen. I'm not sure the expression on the coordinator's face was entirely one of gratitude. - Hari We're closed Mondays. PLEASE come back tomorrow. Officially, the restaurant was closed this weekend due to severe weather. Unofficially, it's just too darned depressin' bein' here all day, watchin' the customers flood into the Fork 'n' Quiche across the street. Antoine and Paco have been drinkin' like fish, throwin' their empties into the fireplace. Jenni and I have been deliverin' Brain Pies to shut-ins before they expire - the Brain Pies, that is, not the shut-ins. One nice aspect of bein' closed is that our Mystery Diner can't come in to eat, which means that he also can't hang around inside the restaurant, actin' all creepy. This does not preclude him from hangin' around outside the restaurant, but at least we can draw the blinds when we get tired of lookin' at him. We are in need of some Holiday Spirit, I'll tell you. - Hari The restaurant was closed today, due to a Snow Emergency. But all the staff came in, anyhow. We spent the day by the fire, melting some leftover raclette scraps and drinking wine from the basement. Late in the day, we went out and made snow angels. - Hari Between you and me, I think it might be time to start lookin' for a second job. We had 6 diners today, two of them came in for coffee and dessert. One was our mystery diner, and he brought 3 guests. I still can't place my finger on where I've seen him before, and I'm thinkin' on hirin' a sketch artist. Maybe they could draw him without a beard or somethin'. - Hari Today our mysterious, bearded and dark-glassed diner returned. He ordered quiche, sent it back to the kitchen, ordered more quiche, then sat looking sullen and poking at his meal with one bare index finger. - Hari It was a busy night tonight... at the Fork 'n' Quiche, that is. We had customers. A lot of our old Regulars were in - grateful, in fact, that they didn't have to wait for a table. But all of our 'hip' new customers have moved across the street. To the Fork 'n' Quiche. There was one new party here this evenin' - a strange bearded man, with dark glasses. He ordered several dishes, but didn't eat a bite. He just pushed his food around on the plate. Occasionally he would turn around in his seat and crane his neck to look out the window. There was something oddly familiar about him. But I couldn't quite place my finger on what it was. - Hari We're closed Mondays. Please come back tomorrow. At 2:00 this afternoon, I saw Hank sittin' at a window seat in the Fork 'n' Quiche. His face wore the look of a moon-struck lover as he gazed off into the middle distance, delicately forking each succulent morsel of quiche into his smiling mouth. - Hari Today a new restaurant opened across the street from Chez BBQ - the Fork 'n' Quiche. The first we heard of it was when we showed up to work this mornin'. Some of our new Regulars (a couple of cute young guys with thick glasses who have been eatin' lots of Brain Pies while they hammer out the details of their book, a political satire which, from snippets I've heard while passing their table, has something to do with Republican zombies invading the Democratic National Convention) were standing across the street, rather than in their customary place in front of our restaurant. They were excited to try out a new place, and they thought it was very neighborly of Chez BBQ to allow Fork 'n' Quiche to accept "$1 Off Your First 3 Brain Pies" coupons. - Hari In reviewin' the kitchen log, I have discovered that, compared to this year, Christmas time last year at the Chez was a dark time fiscally and emotionally:Wednesday, December 24th, 2008Tuesday, December 23rd, 2008Monday, December 22nd, 2008Saturday & Sunday, December 20th & 21st, 2008Friday December 19, 2008Thursday December 18, 2008Wednesday December 17, 2008Tuesday December 16, 2008Monday December 15, 2008Sunday December 14, 2008Saturday December 13, 2008Friday December 12, 2008
Tuesday the 25th of December. Christmas Day 2007
Well, I wish I could report that we did a booming business today. I wish I could say that we didn’t have 500 ceramic Pot au Feu engraved with our name and the date piled up in one corner of the kitchen. I wish I could say that Chef didn’t get so angry at all the Pot au Feu surrounding us that he shied several hot pots at Paco’s head. I wish I could say that Paco didn’t pass out in the cooler and that Jenni didn’t barf in the baked Chocolate Pudding. I wish I could say that Straight wasn’t sitting in his office with his head in his hands, weeping in some kind of mid-life crisis. I wish I could say that these things were not so, but I can’t.
Goddammit. I can’t.
And not all the ghosts of Christmas past, present, and future can save us from the exhaustion, frustration, confusion, and social awkwardness we are feeling today.
James DeVille – Sous Chef
I can't help but wonder if we have some sort of seasonal disorder. Reading last December's log entries also makes me wonder what our holiday party will be like this year. - Hari I've been reviewin' the logs from past years, and am somewhat amazed an horrified that we are still open. Does the Board of Health never do site visits? We've got to clean up our acts. And to that end, we're going to be scrutinizin' all the records, includin' ALL the kitchen log entries. In this weather, I suppose it's good to have an indoor activity. - Hari I can't wait for Christmas. We're all going to need a break by the time it rolls around. Meanwhile, I've got to get back to feeding squash peels down the Dispose-All. - Hari More record numbers this week! If I never see a squash again, it'll be too soon. - Hari We're closed Mondays! Come back tomorrow.Thursday December 11, 2008Wednesday December 10, 2008Tuesday December 9, 2008Monday December 8, 2008
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Well, as you can imagine, the staff was thrown into panic mode when we opened the front doors on Wednesday mornin' and were confronted with a crowd of hungry, bespectacled intellectuals wavin' Brain Pie coupons.
Chef Antoine showed his perspicacity, instantly assessin’ and takin’ command of the situation. He set us to work – reassignin’ each of us as needed. We’ve been goin’ like a house afire ever since. To Paco he gave the unfortunate task of preppin’ each squash for the pie mixture. This meant he spent the day at the microwave, cuttin’ squash lengthwise in half and scoopin' seeds, then zappin’ them on high heat for six minutes a side, and repeatin’ the process all over again.
I lucked out and was promoted to Assistant Pastry Chef. I’ve gotten real good at cuttin’ the butter into the flour mixture with two knives – it’s no wonder, after a week of repeatin’ the process for roughly twelve hours a day (we’ve been pullin’ overtime every night). Jenni takes over the dough once I’ve mixed it, rollin’ it out and moldin’ it into a single-servin’-sized brain shape.
Antoine makes the fillin’ out of the prepped squash, milk, sugar, cream, butter, eggs and spices. I believe our skin will smell like ginger, nutmeg, cinnamon and cloves weeks from now, no matter how many showers we take. It’s baked right in. Anhow, then Antoine places the fillin’ into the crust. The finishing touch is the foil cover, which he presses down into the fillin’ to give the appearance of brain texture.
Grace is coverin’ the dinin’ room and bar. DeVille kept his place runnin’ the kitchen, ridin’ Paco to keep up the pace. Jaspar, Pilar and BuckBuck have been promoted to dishwasher, to free up Paco.
So by the end of the day today, we were all feelin’ as tender as the perfect pie crust. All of us are sleep-deprived, sore and emotionally rubbed raw. Which meant that none of us was able to respond efficaciously when Paco suddenly ran mad.
Apparently the tedium of slicin’, scoopin’ and six minutes a side was just too much for the poor man. One minute, he was carefully pushin’ the microwave door shut, and the next he was screamin’ shrilly. He rapidly opened and shut the door a dozen or so times, and ran from the kitchen toward the dinin’ room, wavin’ his arms over his head. As he plummeted through the swingin’ door, we all heard the crash of the dessert cart, the clatterin’ of crockery as it smashed to the floor, and Paco’s shrill cry of “TORA, TORA, TORA!”
There was a moment of shocked silence.
And then the diners erupted into resoundin’ applause.
- Hari DeVille, Assistant Pastry Chef
Saturday, December 6, 2008
What a week! We've had over 200 customers every night. We've all been working overtime, peeling squash in the kitchen, in order to keep up with the orders. I've been promoted to Assistant Pastry Chef simply because Jenni couldn't keep up with the demand for pie crust.
Yes, that's right. Hank got his way after all.
Late Tuesday night, in a show of defiance against Antoine, he pushed ahead with the advertisin' campaign for his holiday marketing effort, Squash your Brains at Chez BBQ. And he was thorough, let me tell you. Thorough.
He draped the restaurant with giant banners, showing pictures of brain-shaped squash pies being eaten by young intellectuals. He invited press to arrive at dawn to shoot footage for the mornin' news. He posted his press release on the web and personally called everyone who is anyone in the local and national news. He paid for a special insert in the mornin' paper, a bright red one, with a coupon for a dollar off the cost of the bearer's first three (yes, that's 3) Brain Pies.
And this last bit was the genius stroke of his advertisin' barrage. And, simultaneously, it may prove to be our downfall.
Somehow, the wording on the coupon struck just the right chord in his target audience. Somehow, the offer of one dollar off the "first three pies" implanted the idea firmly in everyone's minds that they ought to arrive at the restaurant with the appetite and will to consume a minimum of three Brain Pies.
Needless to say, as the rest of us at the Chez were entirely unaware of this ad campaign, and were laboring under the misapprehension that Antoine's word was somehow the last word in decision-making here, we were completely unprepared for the crowds that arrived on Wednesday.
We had no Brain Pies.
- Hari DeVille, recently promoted Assistant Pastry Chef
Friday Dec 5 08
hHHellllllllllppp!
- paco
Thursday December 4 2008
help?
- Paco
Wensday December 3 2008
Help!
- Paco
Tuesday December 2, 2008
Hank finally announced his big Holiday marketing plan today. Poor man - after all that work, it was immediately shot down by Antoine.
I confess, I can't see people getting really excited about squash pies shaped like brains. Hank argued that a catchy slogan can do wonders for promotion. However, "Squash your Brains at Chez BBQ" seems predestined to failure, even if our clientele tends to be Scholarly.
- Hari
Monday December 1, 2008
We're closed Mondays!
Come back tomorrow.
Sunday November 30, 2008
Paco tired. Paco think holidays not all they are crack up to be. Paco want Monday.
- Paco
Saturday, November 29, 2008
More of the same today - busy, busy, busy. Good for business.
Hank didn't tell us what his plan was for all the squash he had us prep for his mysterious "Holiday marketing plan" so we've been servin' up squash with every entree, whether people want it or not.
- Hari
To Friday, November 28th and earlier entries
